Roeder's lips safe with us, West Ham confirm

West Ham Chairman Terrence Brown has promised fans the club will keep manager Glenn Roeder's lips safely under lock and key whatever the team's results between now and the end of the season.

Brown's hope is that the pledge will help the under-pressure club boss manage more effectively. There had been concern that, with a poor series of results recently, the club might have seen fit to force Roeder to deploy a fuller set of lips than his customary tight-lipped posture.

As part of the deal when Roeder originally succeeded Harry Redknapp, most of his lips were stored away in a security box in a vault somewhere underneath the prestigious Marco Boogers Memorial stand at Upton Park. All that was left on public view was a tiny slit of an opening to be use for pre-match predictions and post-match excuses.

"We know how much it means to Glenn to look like a man with no lips," said Brown, "and we intend to support him in his quest to carry on that way. Who can fail to be moved by the sight of him: standing impassively in the technical area, game after game, arms folded across his chest, with that lipless mouth squeezed firmly shut as the goals against tally mounts up."

Tight-lipped as ever, Roeder refused to make any public comment on the matter.