More London bus routes announced

Will the full and fervent support of London mayor Ken Livingstone, Transport for London today announced yet more improvements to the bus network.

"We're now running the most buses in London since the days of Ethelred the Unready," a TfL spokesman told us, "and thanks to bans on cars and no room on the trains, people have no choice but to use them."

Livingstone himself gave the programme a slap on the back: "The more commuters on the buses, the more room for ordinary folk like me to get around by cab."

Details of this week's new routes are:

• Route 666 — Cricklewood to London Bridge: New route. Route will run "as and when necessary". Ordinary ticket holders will not be allowed to board.
• Route 789a — Walthamstow Village to Walthamstow Village (circular route): This service will now run more frequently early on Sunday mornings and late nights on autumn Wednesdays. The number of buses per hour will rise from one to one and a half. Passengers should note that super-saver tickets on this route are only valid with coupons from the latest Will Young CD.
• Route 789b — Walthamstow Village to Walthamstow Village to Walthamstow Village (triangular service): A slight reduction in services in the late morning will be counteracted by a rise around midday when people are at lunch. You must be over 5ft 2in to climb onboard.
• Route 234 — Acton Town Warner Village complex to East Acton food market: In response to massive public demand this service will now be diverted via Mike's newsagents to allow passengers to collect their Lotto tickets.
• Hoppa Route 345 — Deptford Sainsbuy's car park to town dump: An experimental service run in conjunction with Tesco.
• Bendy Bus Route 456 — Covent Garden Opera House to Bexleyheath Pizza Hut: This service has sadly now been cancelled, as drivers were unable to get the half-mile bus around corners.
• Express Route A: This service will run non-stop to enable other routes' service targets to be met. Passengers wishing to board or disembark are advised to try at corners when the bus will be at its slowest.
• Tram Route 1: This service will not exist for several years but will remain heavily publicised.