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Microsoft launches HSM patent case

Microsoft today announced it would be taking legal action against the latest patent infringement of its products — jokes that makes reference to trademarked goods.

The software giant stated in court filings that the inclusion of its trademarked artefacts in a format designed to induce mockery or exclusion had a material effect on its business and hence breached fair trade laws. Lawyers believe they have a strong case.

A Microsoft spokesman said this morning it had documents that proved that prior to 1975, there were no jokes based on Microsoft. The company was incorporated in this year and it was over two years before the first non-Microsoft employee used its name to create a humorous situational monologue (HSM).

Accepting that some internal ribbing and even external sarcasm against the company and its founder Bill Gates was inevitable considering that Mr Gates sounded like Kermit the Frog, lawyers for Microsoft were keen to point out that stick and stones may break bones but words were of significant potential damage to a corporate image in the modern software space.

Critics however have been quick to point out that the legal action could be a laugh too far. One anonymous nobody revealed on alt.conspiracy.microsoft.getalife that the plan was just the latest attempt by Microsoft to destroy Linux by targeting individuals that dare install their own operating system — even though it's better, man.

Within hours, over 80,000 posters agreed, creating a snowball of anger than pummelled down the slopes of justice before melting to nothing in the heat of the real world.

A Microsoft spokesman confirmed that the company will not sue individuals. Rather, it will introduce a licensing scheme where broadcasting a Microsoft-based HSM, verbally or through the use of technology will be charged at a server rate.

Aural receipt of an HSM will require only a basic rate licence, similar to a Client Access Licensing scheme. This will not carry retrospective force until next year.

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