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  Monday 24th February 2003  Society   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Obesity now no.1 UK killer

It's Top of the Pop-yer-clogs
by Clive Zoolovich

Clinical obesity is the UK's number one killer, according to figures released today.

In the annual TV Quick reader poll, obesity came out top as the favourite cause of death in the country, narrowly beating last year's number one — industrial accidents — to the top spot.

Here is a selection of readers' comments:

  • Jesus Satterthwaite (56): I love obese people. They're jolly and fun, and I love those photos of half-ton women unable to move off their bed
  • Kelly DuChamps (17): They're so funny! They always look like they're smiling even when they're deeply depressed! And when they eat, well... it's amazing!
  • Anastacia Smith (6): I love fat people. They make me laugh. I like it best when they have to bring a crane to take them to hospital. My mummy says when I grow up I can be obese too 'cos I eat microwave pizzas.
  • Pendal Mint (33): I voted for industrial accidents. Whether a bucket of sand drops on a builder's head from 70 feet or a worker drowns in a vat of steaming porridge it never fails to bring a smile to my face. I especially like mincing machines.
  • Joshua Tree (27): I'm into suicides. Those notes just crack me up. Me and my mates spend hours pouring over all the "goodbye cruel world" stuff. I'm working on a sitcom, right, where one of the characters kills himself every week. Except, like, you don't know which one.

The poll was open only to those causes of death that have claimed 100 or more victims. Unfortunately, family favourites such as prolapsed rectum or toxic shock provoked by excessive hair conditioner were excluded, claiming just 12 and 9 lives apiece.

A surprise came in the form of poor showings for cancer and heart disease, which came third from bottom and bottom respectively despite high-profile media support and celebrity endorsements.

The top six killers looked like this (last year's positions in brackets):

  1. Obesity (3)
  2. Industrial accidents (1)
  3. Harold Shipman (4)
  4. Choking while having an epileptic fit (2)
  5. Old age (6)
  6. Suicide (14)
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