Eriksson vows 'I will not be deflected from mission'

England football supremo Sven-Goran Eriksson today vowed to ignore the mounting criticism of his performance and soldier on regardless.

"When I took this job I had a clear plan of action," spouted the sexy Swede, "and this involved me receiving a massive amount of money right up until the next World Cup. Since I'm now only halfway through my contract I have no intention of walking out. Of course if the FA would like to fire me and pay me up until 2006 anyway then I'd be happy to look at that option."

Eriksson went onto deplore the unwarranted intrusions into his personal life that have marred his stay in England. While agreeing that hearing unjustified criticism of his team selections was "painful", Eriksson made clear his belief that justified criticism was "an awful lot worse".

"I've nothing against to people wanting to know what it was like banging Ulrika and what positions she preferred," he commented shyly, "but I do object to people who point out that our second-half performance against Brazil was shockingly bad."

And he dismissed reports of a breakdown in his relationship with Premiership managers, especially Alex Ferguson: "I don't think Alex's comments about a 'completely useless fecking foreigner' should be taken as an attack on me. He could easily have meant Diego Forlan instead, couldn't he?"