FBI seizes Briton on extortion and murder charges

US intelligence outfit the FBI has confirmed that it is holding a British citizen suspected of a range of offences including fraud, extortion, money laundering, drug trafficking and murder.

Oliver Matthews has so far been held for 72 hours without access to relatives or a lawyer, but FBI sources have stressed that this is for reasons of security, given that Matthews is "one of the most dangerous criminals on the planet".

A Bureau spokesman this morning confirmed that, despite continual grilling, Matthews had so far refused to speak. "He's one tough customer, that's for sure," noted the grim-faced G-man. "But he'll break eventually, they always do."

The FBI has also countered claims that they are holding the wrong individual. "Nope, the name on the computer matches the name on his passport," asserted an intelligence officer in mirrored sunglasses. "Absolutely no doubt about it."

Matthews is charged with defrauding more than $8 billion dollars from US citizens in an illegal pyramid selling scheme. He allegedly then used the cash to build a vast criminal empire of prostitution, protection and drugs. Agents claim that he killed one of his business associates in 1999 for "not cleaning the toilet seat after him", and slashed his wife's face with a razor after she "overcooked his eggs".

However, Matthews' distraught relatives are convinced that this is a case of mistaken identity. His hysterical mother told The Rockall Times: "There's no way he did all the things they say he did. How could he? He's only nine months old."

While FBI interrogators concede that their suspect's silence may be due in part to his tender years, they are sticking to their belief that little Oliver is their man.

"I'll say it again," gasped an exasperated Fed. "The man we're looking for has the same name as the person we are holding. Therefore they are the same person. And to suggest that this kid is not capable of running a brutal criminal regime is to ignore the facts. Oliver Matthews is the name of the man who laundered more than $65 billion in drug dollars last year. Oliver Matthews is the name of the infant we are holding. End of story."

If convicted, Oliver Matthews faces 100,000 years in jail without hope of parole.