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Two more al-Qaeda masterminds to be arrested before Iraq invasion

A further two al-Qaeda masterminds are to be located and arrested next week close to the Iraqi border, a US spokesman confirmed today.

The future arrests will demonstrate that the international coalition of two is winning the War On Terror™ and prove that liberating Iraq is the right thing after all.

First to be arrested on Monday morning will be Sheikh Mohammed Sheikh — Bin Laden's number six and a suspected mastermind of the terrorist group's terror operations.

And the next day, just after lunch, Bin Laden's number three — Mohammed Sheikh Mohammed — will be caught attempting to install plutonium freshly bought from Baghdad into a bomb in a suitcase with a flight label to London around the handle. He is a known mastermind and he doesn't mind who knows it.

A US spokesman will then say: "The arrest of these two terrorists — vital to al-Qaeda's network — will be a blow for Osama bin Laden and his organisation of hate. We will not lose this battle and they cannot win."

However, controversy surrounds the future arrests, with reporters questioning whether Mohammed Sheikh Mohammed is really Osama's number three as Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, arrested last week, was supposed to have taken that jersey.

"No, we thought Khalid was number three, but after questioning, we realised he was number four." What then of the previous number four, arrested last year in Afghanistan? "He was actually number six, the cunning devil," said a US intelligence spokesman. "Actually, no, Sheikh Mohammed Sheikh is number six, so he must be number seven."

Asked if it was possible for the US to produce a full list numbered one to 20 of all the al-Qaeda top men, a government spokesman refused. "It would be impossible to produce such a list," he confirmed. "Because we don't even know who these people are until we arrest them. Plus regulations dictate that we issue no number to a terrorist until he is in captivity.

"However we can confirm that we are still looking for numbers one through 11 as well as the subs bench. We will not rest until we have the full team and the shiny al-Qaeda logo sticker to go with it."

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