I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

Central Line may never reopen

London Underground is set to close the Central Line permanently, we can reveal.

Following the crash at Chancery Lane in January, the date for a reinstating any kind of a service has been repeatedly postponed.

Initial hopes of trains running on part of the line within a week were later revealed as hopelessly over-optimistic. Now, more than a month after the incident occurred, new regulations mean that it is increasingly unlikely it will ever re-open for passenger traffic.

"Safety is always paramount for our customers," one hard-working dullard at 55 Broadway told The Rockall Times, "and the best way of our guaranteeing this is by keeping them off the trains. Have you any idea how old they are? We are now advising all our customers to walk to work for their own safety."

"The problem is that something like the Central Line would never be allowed nowadays," yawned one contractor who has been hard at work on thinking about the repairs. "As long as the thing was open it could stay open but once it shut the safety boys came down on it like a ton of bricks."

London Underground admit this may apply to other lines in future. "At the rate we have accidents, the whole network will have closed by mid-2005," said one middle manger confidently. "Thereafter we expect our safety record to finally hit the 90 per cent target."

 Email an enemy  Pub-friendly printable version  ‘Society’ index page