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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2003/03/17/classifieds-ten.html.
Classified ads 17.03.03
Scapegoats sought for all of society's ills
by Flash Gorman
For Sale
- Oil. 2.45 million barrels a day available. Will deliver. Cost: twice what it was yesterday. Email: Haveyouover-a-barrel@Opec.com
- Small plain cardboard box. Unwanted gift. Cost £2. Will accept £1.75. No timewasters. Call 0999-666-099. Calls cost £3.50 per minute. Call will last no more than 10 minutes.
Lonely hearts
- Gruff, plain woman seeks authority figure for undermining and general hectoring. Must cope well with righteous indignation. Email: clare.short@former-cabinet-members.com
Positions Vacant
- Builder required for project in large bush. Must be discreet. Hands-on experience essential. Write to Ron Davies c/o Welsh Assembly
- Security expert required for military base. Must be capable of stopping unarmed peace protesters entering premises. Even those with stepladders. Email: Fairford@raf.com
Wanted
- Man in tie-sex ruling seeks less embarrassing description of his court case. Write to M Thomson c/o Stockport Job Centre.
- Support sought for strikes. Large friendly unions looking for members of public to hoot car horns and put brave face on withdrawal of essential services. Write to Communication Workers Union, Fire Brigade Workers Union, Transport and General Workers Union.
- Scapegoat sought for society's ills. Must be powerless to defend itself. Asylum seekers, beggars, Iraq and teenage mums need not apply again. Email: dblunkett@fingerofblame.com
Lost and found
- Camelot plc are searching for several million missing Lotto contestants. Do you remember it could be you?
From The Rockall Times Monday 17th March 2003
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.