Dumsfeld denies UK armed forces slur

Defence secretary categorically denies ever meaning to mean what he meant at the time

by Alan Roberts

US defence secretary Ronald Dumsfeld has insisted he meant no offence with his latest comments about the expected ever-more-limited role of Britain's brave fighting forces as they prepare to liberate Iraq's oil wells from the tyranny of Opec control.

American TV networks showed Dumsfeld telling White House correspondents that since "Blair has no idea whether he's coming or going", the two dozen British troops currently stationed in a tent in Kuwait were unlikely to be used. "And if they were what could they do anyway?"

"We feel the offensive capability of these men is somewhat limited, though things should improve once they get some rifles," the blunt-speaking Dumsfeld opined.

British defence secretary Geoff Hoon was incensed and told officials he was willing to rush back from his Caribbean latest holiday "at a moment's notice" if needed. Army officials are believed to have advised Hoon however that preventing ex-MI5 officers from revealing details of the Army's stockpile of secret documents on the Bloody Sunday massacre was more important at the moment.

However, in a sensational telephone conversation with The Rockall Times, Dumsfeld attempted to repair some of the damage done by his earlier remarks. He denied ever meaning to mean what he meant at the time pointing out that he actually had no idea that Britain had an army, that any of its members were in Kuwait or indeed as to where Britain was. "So long as we invade Iraq, that's the only thing that matters," he clarified.