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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2003/03/24/classifieds-eleven.html.
Classified Ads 24.03.03
For sale: Large former shipyard, ripe for development
by Flash Gorman
Positions vacant
- Loyal Government members wanted. Choice of three positions available. Must not be afraid of getting blood on hands. Write to: Tony Blair, 10 Downing Street
For Sale
- Large former shipyard. Would make ideal themed housing development. Shattered dreams of three generations included in the asking price. Write to: The Receivers c/o Harland and Wolff, Ireland.
- Ethical principles. Includes posturing about poor and oppressed. Sale forced through selfish concerns. Email: c_short@aroundfornow.com
- Valuable jewel encrusted model yacht. Superbly hand crafted work of art. Unwanted gift. Email: fence@buckinghampalace.com
- Stanna stairlift and miscellaneous religious memorabilia. Walk-in bath also available. Bereavement forces sale. Write to: The Thora Hird Estate
Wanted
- New computer system. Have £4 billion to spend. Non-disastrous implementation preferred. Please mark bids "EDS Submission". Receipts required. Email: project-aspire@inlandrevenue.gov.uk
- Ageing sit-com requires fresh scripts. Must involve loveable antics of three old men. People being propelled over dry stone walls a distinct advantage. Email: barrel.scraping@bbc.co.uk
Lonely Hearts
- Unattractive bearded man seeks new pasttime. Hobbies include walking, reading and standing up for principles. Seeking to fill suddenly increased leisure time. Email: rcook@funwhileitlasted.gov.uk
From The Rockall Times Monday 24th March 2003
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.