Boffins sever conventional wisdom with top-secret shaving project

Boffins working at an undisclosed top-secret location are said to be on the verge of making an exciting new breakthrough in disposable razor technology.

The remarkable advance in shaver technology will see follicles smitten with a revolutionary new system of slicing coupled with ball-thrusting advertisement that will leave grown men gibbering in its wake.

In initial trials, men's faces have become so smooth that alternative energy specialists are already devising ways to harness this frictionless surface.

The outstanding achievement will however form just part of a rich history of dazzling leaps in disposable razor science. The first single-bladed disposable razor was invented by Gillette in 1901. This became the bedrock of razor technology for nearly 80 years and many thought the device could not be surpassed.

However in 1979, after nearly a decade of development, the double bladed razor was unveiled to an astonished world. Although broadly similar in appearance in a conventional razor, it contained an extra blade in its head. This second blade was able to catch facial hairs that had seen the first blade coming and ducked out of the way. As unsuspecting hairs popped back up, the second blade confidently dispatched them to their fate.

The twin-bladed razor held sway at the top of the shaving tree for the next 20 years, and indeed, there appeared no way in which it could be bettered. However, in a move that no one could have foreseen, the triple-bladed(!) razor was released in 1999.

This was styled in a manner similar to the double bladed razor but with the added benefit of an additional blade. A mind-boggling achievement and something the shaving world is still struggling to come to terms with.

So what of this latest development? Scientists working on the enigmatically titled "Quattro" project are playing their cards close to their chests but project leader, Carl Burgess, revealed that the new razor would produce a 33 percent increase in shaving power.

One possible development is the introduction of a turbo. The turbo is a device for forcing air into a fuelling system, thus increasing flow and hence power. Turbos are being fitted to an increasing number of household objects from vacuum cleaners to toothbrushes. This latest generation of turbos has been rendered so light and slim that in many cases they are completely invisible to the human eye.

Some observers believe the era of the Gillette Turbo™ razor may soon be upon us.