Alan Smith not for sale ‘at any price’ confirms Risdale

Leeds United shop assistant Peter Risible today told journalists that he could foresee "absolutely no circumstances" in which star striker Alan Smith would be sold.

He added that he was convinced that Leeds had a good chance of qualifying for the Champions League next season and he had no wish to have the side weakened through unnecessary sales and that he hoped for snow on Christmas Day.

However Risible admitted that his previous statement about the "awesome ability" of Terry Venables had now been re-checked and been found to be non-operative. "Further investigations have shown that what I actually said at the time was 'awful ability'," he insisted.

Risible then went on to discuss the price at which Leeds "would not be prepared" to sell the Smith at "just in case anyone's watching. Any offers?"

Reports earlier in the season had put a valuation of £15m on Smith whose performances have been one of the few bright spots in Leeds' miserable run for the bottom. Reporters at Leeds' training ground have reported seeing a post-it note on the cheerful striker's back stating "£5m ONO". Under Venables there was supposedly a 10 per cent discount for cash buyers.

On the way out from the meeting, several journalists were accosted by Risible who asked them to stress that Paul Robinson, Mark Viduka and Harry Kewell were also "not for sale, if you know what I mean. Make sure you print that won't you?"