I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

Classified ads 31.03.03

Wanted

• Plane spotter's handbook. Large print edition with photos. Must include British and American helicopters. Email us-military@pentagon.gov
• News rationing tips. Large broadcasting corporation requires advice on how to make small amount of news last an entire day. Email nonew_news@bbc.co.uk

For sale

• Two Apache Helicopters. Slight cosmetic damage. Would make useful propaganda tool. Buyer collects. Write to S Hussein c/o Various top-secret hideouts.

Positions vacant

• Minster for jingoism. Temporary post. Must be able to talk condescendingly about "our brave boys". No experience of the hardships of war required. Email tblair@number10.gov.uk

Lost and found

• Much trumpeted "quick victory" has gone missing. Disappeared at same time as half-hearted resistance and mass surrendering. Write to Tommy "Gun" Franks c/o The Pentagon, Washington
• Determined and hard-fighting enemy found in desert. Heavily moustached and ready to die for cause. Email unexpected@us-military.gov

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