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This is a pub-friendly version of this article — print it out and take it with you down the boozer. |
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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2003/03/31/classifieds-thirteen.html.
Classified ads 31.03.03
Broadcasting corporation requires advice on how to make small amount of news last an entire day
by Flash Gorman
Wanted
- Plane spotter's handbook. Large print edition with photos. Must include British and American helicopters. Email us-military@pentagon.gov
- News rationing tips. Large broadcasting corporation requires advice on how to make small amount of news last an entire day. Email nonew_news@bbc.co.uk
For sale
- Two Apache Helicopters. Slight cosmetic damage. Would make useful propaganda tool. Buyer collects. Write to S Hussein c/o Various top-secret hideouts.
Positions vacant
- Minster for jingoism. Temporary post. Must be able to talk condescendingly about "our brave boys". No experience of the hardships of war required. Email tblair@number10.gov.uk
Lost and found
- Much trumpeted "quick victory" has gone missing. Disappeared at same time as half-hearted resistance and mass surrendering. Write to Tommy "Gun" Franks c/o The Pentagon, Washington
- Determined and hard-fighting enemy found in desert. Heavily moustached and ready to die for cause. Email unexpected@us-military.gov
From The Rockall Times Monday 31st March 2003
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.