Jedi mind trick breach of Geneva Convention

General Tommy-Gun Franks yesterday stunned reporters at a regular Gulf War II™ briefing with evidence of yet another form of illegal warfare against the brave dudes, chaps, blokes and paella cookers of the coalition-of-two army.

The general, who has already filed several complaints against the Iraqi army for returning fire, aiming, using live ammo, hiding, not posing as a real army, still being alive and several incidents of camel assaults, added another one to the rapidly-expanding list of outrages.

"Their use of Jedi powers is yet another sign of Saddam's evil regime, his disrespect of western warfare and that the films are really neat. Even the two new ones."

The complaint was filed after the leader of an secret Iraqi regiment know as the Force Brigade, one Usama ben Kenobi, proudly announced several overwhelming Iraqi victories near the Jedi stronghold of Al Dagobah, situated three miles off the beaten track from Basra. "Win many great battles did we," spoke the wise man. "Learned a lesson you have hmmm?"

Apart from pulling mind tricks, dressing like women and rebounding tomahawks with laser swords, the elite brigade also teamed up with the men of the Iraqi 3rd foot-bound stone-tosser division and succeeding in ambushing a jeep carrying marines scouting for plausible war motives.

British defence secretary Geoff Loon had the following comment as he updated Parliament on the progress of coalition plans: "The plan is progressing as planned. That is, not progressing at all. Which is what we planned for. So things are going according to the plan. The plan of no progress I mean. And on the issues of Jedi attacks, I have only this to say," he said as he held forth a necklace. "We have the one ring, you ragheads."

But Iraqi admiral Ackbar was not intimidated and warned that if coalition troops moved one inch further towards Bagdad, then Iraq might respond by opening the gates to its secret dinosaur park, complete the Death Star and unleash Rambo.

Facing criticism over recent Gulf War II™ developments from journalists in an open session at the White House, president Anakin Dubya took a firm stand. "You do not need to question my motives," he said with a sweeping gesture. "These are not the answers you are looking for," he continued to the paralysed crowd. "And I find your lack of faith in me very disturbing," finished Lord Bush as a reporter from the UK Daily Mirror started choking violently at the back.