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Solution to friendly fire tragedies falters

A scheme thought up by coalition-of-two commander Tommy "Gunn" Franks to prevent any further instances of "friendly fire" has faltered after Iraqis failed to agree to strict guidelines.

Franks has slammed Iraq's refusal to go along with the new plan that would make the two sides easily and instantly distinguishable. "Basically we want the Iraqis to go skins," announced the general, explaining that with the Iraqis stripped to the waist, they would know who and who not to blow up. The plan failed however, he said because "the Iraqis have so far refused to co-operate".

Iraqi top dog Tariq Aziz later appeared on state television to explain his side of the story. "Although we are broadly in agreement with the proposition, we see no reason why the glorious Iraqi army should go skins. It's our country, let the infidel American dogs take their shirts off instead."

However, the Americans are opposed to going skins due to the sponsorship deals with several military uniform designers and soft-drinks manufacturers. "We are under a contractual obligation to sport our uniforms at all events and any change to that would hugely affect our advertising revenue," explained Franks.

With this bold initiative seemingly deadlocked, the Americans are said to be exploring other possibilities. One suggestion is to eliminate the problem by extending friendly fire options to include any journalists who might report any such events.

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