Corrs concert to cover coalition withdrawal from Iraq

Coalition-of-two forces have signed up non-threatening family pop group The Corrs to play a special concert to the Iraqi people during which troops will scarper and leave them to self-rule, we can reveal.

"Their lilting, uplifting music is just the tonic this previously oppressed country needs. And those girls are dashed pretty to boot," enthused a spokesman. "Of course, we'll all be watching the show with the Iraqi people. And that fact will appear in your story."

Engineers are currently erecting a giant stage in Baghdad on a vacant lot previously occupied by a restaurant. The show, entitled Sorry About the Mess, Here's the Corrs will also be broadcast across Iraq on the new Freedom Channel. The band are to be introduced by Tony Blair, who has gone on record to state Sharon is his favourite.

US troops are also preparing to evacuate, having no stomach for the rigours of peacekeeping. "Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of hell-raising, especially when it's in service of my country," said Sergeant Enos Gubner of the US Cavalry yesterday, "but traffic duty, border controls and stopping robberies? That's for faggot cops." Gubner professed to have never heard of the Corrs "being more of a Skynyrd man myself", but added: "They can distract them with R Kelly for all I care. I just wanna get the hell out."

When asked how the Corrs might themselves stage a strategic withdrawal from Iraq amid mounting anarchy, a British army spokesman noted: "I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for someone who gives a shi*t."