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The Jury's Out: The Rockall legal column

Dear Judge Flash: I was recently both surprised and delighted to receive a letter informing me that I had won a fabulous holiday in a competition. I thought this was particularly fortunate, as I hadn't even entered the competition in the first place.

I was invited to a local leisure centre to collect my prize and I excitedly attended with my wife and three children. We took our packed suitcases to the centre so we could go straight to the airport. Indeed, such was the level of anticipation amongst my family that my wife and two of the children chose to wear their swimming costumes to the presentation ceremony.

The actual presentation was slightly longer than I had anticipated and we eventually nodded off after the first seven hours or so. We were woken by a member of the holiday and after signing a few items of paperwork we were given our tickets.

Imagine then our disappointment when, after a taxi ride to the airport, we were informed by the checking-in clerk that what he had in out possession were merely train tickets to Bognor. To make matters worse we discovered a few days later than we had signed a contract pledging £10,000 a year for a holiday caravan at Bognor Butlins.

Please can you advise us?

S. Thomson, London.

Dear Mr Thomson: You are a perfect example of a type of individual who is a familiar sight in the small claims courts — possessing sufficient motor skills to sign a contract but lacking the intelligence to read it first.

You also have a child-like faith in the concept of something for nothing; something that has been exploited by less than philanthropic individuals since the first trusting caveman was informed he had won a complementary mammoth skin.

Fortunately for you and your ilk, there exists an organisation that will gloss over your intellectual abilities and portray you as an innocent victim. Simply ring 0870 010 7070 and ask for "watchdog".

In the unlikely event of your problem being solved by these stalwart champions of justice, I could send you a copy of my brochure "Gorman Getaways". This details a series of holidays that start from a most reasonable 18p a week. Just sign and return the enclosed contract.

Best wishes, Justice Gorman

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