Medals all round after Gulf War II™

Spanish coalition representative Don Juan Carlos said in a press conference held last night over hot tortillas that he was "mighty proud" of the way the men and women of the Spanish armed forces had performed during the last three weeks.

"Sure the American marines and the British elite troops have stolen all the media attention, but I know in my heart that without my countrymen's undoubtable courage stirring gazpacho in soaring heat and blasting sand storms, there just wouldn't be a fifty-first American state."

Although supply lines broke last week and food storages quickly depleted, the Spaniards apparently never failed in presenting a decent meal every sunset. "It was bloody amazing," said one SAS sergeant. "One day when we returned from a full day of intense door-to-door fighting in Basra they'd arranged an entire Mediterranean buffet. That just makes it all worth it. Although the eggs were slightly over easy."

But according to sources there are also other nationalities soon to honored for their essential efforts in Gulf War II™.

The entire crew of Danish nine feet sub "Saelen" are up for medals for "valiantly taking up space" and "succeeding in not harpooning fellow allied vessels". A Bulgarian army lorry will receive a medal for "reliability in service" after receiving a measly three punctures while being unloaded from a Hercules cargo lifter at a Saudi air base.

And finally, an entire Turkish army brigade will be honoured with the Victoria Cross for only having once wandered into Iraqi territory and heroically stood against Kurdish nutters armed with nothing more than a historical right to a homeland.