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Archaeologists put the ‘i’ back in aluminum

Archaeologists in the USA have uncovered the letter "i" which Americans inadvertently lost from the word "aluminium" around 80 years ago.

The project, run by the University of East Anglia with grudging co-operation from Harvard and Princeton Universities, made the discovery near an obscure, dusty road in northern Oklahoma.

"It seems likely that this 'i' was lost in the early 20th century, when many thousands of migrants crossed the US from east to west," said Professor James Fethershaw, who is overseeing the dig. "If you can imagine what chaos the country and its people were in at such a time, you'll understand how formerly important letters were mislaid along the way."

"It's just lucky they didn't lose both the i's," noted Fethershaw's highly-talented assistant, Caroline Atherton, with a toss of her blond hair and a heave of her tremulous bosom. "By the time they reached California it would have been called 'alumnum'. That would have been disastrous for the future development of the US aerospace industry."

"Please take your hand off that," she added.

Professor Fethershaw was keen to stress the far-reaching implications of the find. "I'm glad we can return this letter to them," he told The Rockall Times. "It's the first step towards international linguistic credibility, although there's still much work to be done."

Fethershaw said that his team was "confident" that further digging would uncover the missing "ue" from the end of catalogue, which may lie forgotten in a little-invoked amendment to the US constitution. However, he held out less hope for the safe return of the u's from colour, honour, glamour and similar words, most likely lost during the turmoil following the American Civil War.

"And as for the 'e' on the end of axe, that probably fell overboard during the voyage of the Mayflower," sighed Fethershaw. "Worse still, it appears the 'ugh' on the end of plough was killed by the Sioux in 1837. Early pioneers quickly substituted the letter 'w' to save the word from a grisly death by excessive abbreviation. Wagon trains normally carried a few w's and i's in case of unforeseen accidents, like the loss of the 'y' in tyre in a bar-room shooting in Tombstone," he added.

The professor has promised to continue his search for the lost letters, but concedes that many are lost to the Americans forever. "God alone knows what happened to the 're' on the end of theatre," he admitted. "Some eyewitness accounts claim to have seen it in the Klondike in 1849, but after that..."

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