Fall of Saddam provokes outpouring of religious frenzy

The downfall of Saddam Hussein and his evil regime of international hate appears to have allowed an outpouring of religious zeal among a group which was repressed for many years.

The intensity of the festivities has unnerved some American diplomats who admit they had not bargained on such fervent displays when trying to rebuild Iraq. "I guess we didn't realise just how fanatical some of these people are," confessed one, "and our hopes for running the country on a secular basis are beginning to look a bit problematical."

Under Saddam's rule, such open displays of enthusiasm were forbidden and any such demonstrations immediately stamped upon by the authorities.

Now, with Ba'ath Party rule smashed and Saddam and his lieutenants either dead or on the run, pent-up feelings are being unleashed in an orgy of celebration. "This is the most fantastic time of my life", said one of the newly liberated — a Ronald Dumsfeld — who is clearly revelling in the chance to express his sincerely held views on free enterprise, creationism and the positive effects of Big Oil.

His sect, known as the neo-cons or sometimes the Shit-ites, is now in the ascendant all over Iraq. Many of their most sacred rituals are being practised openly again. Not since the time of the Iman Reagan have they been able to express themselves so freely without the risk of open ridicule.

Now, under new leader Iman Dubya, the neo-cons are determined to put in place their most hallowed ceremonies. "No longer will we be persecuted by the UN and the evil Hans Blix," asserted one man on the way back from his holiday home in Tel-Aviv.

Most famous of their rituals is the terrifying "I told you so" routine. This has believers appearing in public — preferably on coast-to-coast television — to explain with a manic gleam in their eye exactly where they went right and everyone else went wrong. Interviewers appear too cowed by their intensity to muster any serious challenge to their smug self-righteousness.

"It's not that we don't respect other traditions," said Dumsfeld in a half-hearted attempt at reconciliation, "but they must understand that in the new state we are creating our views will be the guiding ones."

He went on to add: "Many of our most sacred sites within Iraq appear to have been destroyed or removed and because of that there is a high level of grief in my community." Dumsfeld is thought to have been referring to the famous Weapons of Mass Destruction that may have now been lost forever. "If these are never found then some bitterness is going to remain."

However, one tradition practised by certain other minorities in Iraq — that of beating the body in punishment for previous sins — is not being pursued by the neo-cons. "Hit myself? Are you nuts?" muttered Dick Cheney; "I'll damn well hit someone else instead for my sins."

"Oh and we don't do that war martyr rubbish either," Bush told his supporters. "If anyone dies in a bunker it's gonna be some semi-illiterate black grunt from Wyoming, make no mistake."