I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

Beckham transfer deal off

The saga of David Beckham's proposed move from Manchester United to Real Madrid took yet another twist yesterday when the Spanish club announced it was definitely not making a move for his services.

In a hitherto unprecedented public statement, a sultry señorita spokesperson for Franco's works team announced: "We are not now, nor have we ever been, nor will be ever be, interested in signing Beckham. She is a god-awful singer."

However, the statement failed to quell rumours that her husband would be on the way to the Bernabeu this summer.

The controversy comes just one day after Madrid indicated it probably would want the England captain, the day before that when they indicated they certainly wouldn't, the day before that one when they indicated they undoubtedly would and even the day before that when they indicated that they perhaps wouldn't.

Meanwhile Beckham's wife — a professional pouter by trade — has been spotted househunting in the exclusive El Caudillo district of Madrid. Confronted by an investigative scribe from Slut magazine, she commented: "I'm just visiting my good friend Naomi Campbell who I know takes a lot of interest in football transfers."

Meanwhile, following on from Real Madrid's example, a host of other clubs have issued statements about their lack of interest in taking on the male Beckham. Yesterday it was Barcelona, AC Milan, Arsenal and Paris St Germain. Today it has been Leicester City, Heart of Midlothian, Rennes and Yeovil Town.

 Email an enemy  Pub-friendly printable version  ‘Sport’ index page