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Mark Bosnich tells of class-A drink-spiking femme fatale

Clean-cut goalie Mark Bosnich has told flabbergasted officials how he was discovered with a huge amount of cocaine in his even huger body — his drink was spiked by a mystery woman who then slipped back unnoticed into twilight world of West London femmes fatales.

The Bosnich drug test outrage — a result of eagled-eyed investigators spotting Bosnich supplying fellow stay-home colleagues Jody Morris and Marcel Desailly with a tasty white powder — led to a nine-month suspension from the world of football for a man once rated by himself as the finest Australian netminder in the world named Bosnich.

But Bozzy is determined to fight his way back to the top — or at least to the status of Chelsea's number-one third-choice keeper. Since being banished from the club and their money he loves, he has maintained a punishing fitness schedule going up and down the King's Road from early evening until late at night. It was during one such carouse that he tested positive for a class-A drug.

Speaking to reporters outside his home on an upmarket council estate in Shepherd's Bush, Bosnich explained exactly what had happened. "I was out having a quiet pie and pint with my mates when I noticed a funny taste in my Old Speckled Hen. Out of the corner of my eye I detected a furtive movement and a femme fatale standing nearby. The next thing I remember, I was waking up and a delighted-looking Ken Bates was tearing up my contract in front of my eyes."

But despite Bosnich's pleas of innocence, officials at Stamford Bridge resolved that the evidence of £42,000 a week leaving their bank account was proof enough of his guilt.

Bosnich has however received the support of the Professional Footballer's Association who yesterday indicated that they "completely believed" his explanation. Asked why, the PFA pointed out that they always publicly back any of their members, whatever the circumstances, and wherever they happen. "Bosnich is completely innocent," a spokesman told The Rockall Times. "In the same way that Stan Collymore never punched Ulrika Jonsson in the face in front of 200 people and a dozen paparazzi. You get the idea."

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