Classified ads 12.05.03

Gruff, moustached MP seeks foreign despot for weekend away

by Flash Gorman

Gruff, moustached MP seeks generous foreign despot, N/S GSOH, for weekends away. Must have own resources. Human rights abusers especially welcome. Email: george_galloway@gov.uk.com.uk

Gruff, moustached MP seeks new alarm clock to ensure timely arrival at House of Commons. Courage of convictions also required. Email: claire.short@frontbench.co.uk
Gruff, moustached MP seeks really good excuse for missing vital vote. Cash paid for "Dog ate pager" or similar. Email: claire_s@backbone.org.uk
Gruff, moustached MP seeks full-time employment where high moral stance more important than timekeeping. Available to start almost immediately. Email: shortc@justgolove.me.uk

Publicity stunt found in field. Contains thinly veiled attempt at prompting children's book. Write to: Bloomsbury Publishing (marketing department)

Various top-quality anachronisms up for auction. Lot includes judges' wigs, barristers' robes and John Prescott (no reserve). Email: nothing_else_to_worry_about@homeoffice.gov.uk
Mink, Fox, Sable and Racoon fur. Top Quality. All proceeds go to fund the campaign against cruelty against cats and dogs. Email: furgotten.gains@rspca.com

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