Government announces £130 million to improve Silverstone

The government yesterday announced a £130 million package to improve Silverstone.

The track — which hosts the British Grand Prix, aka The Michael Schumacher Fun Drive — is to be furnished with a bus lane in response to criticisms following the 2000 Grand Prix mud bath.

The lane will extend from Woodcote corner all the way to Stowe, and will be enforced by cameras. Drivers caught abusing the restricted area will face a £60 fine and a 10-second stop-and-go penalty. The scheme is not without precedent — last year speed humps were installed at Monza as part of a traffic calming scheme.

Transport minister Alistair Darling enthused: "The new Hanger Straight bus lane will help encourage people out of their cars, thus reducing climate change — which everyone knows is the sole cause of rain."

Pressure group Transport 2000 has warmly welcomed the changes. A statement issued after the announcement read: "We need people to realise that the bus is by far the fastest way from A to B. Faster than even the fastest cars. Faster even, than supersonic jet aircraft. Regular bus users already know this amazing truth. It's just a matter of spreading the word among non-believers."

However, the group claims the changes have not gone far enough. "We are disappointed that the government has failed to provide any bus stops along the route," their statement went on. And on...

Insiders point to the impending cigarette advertising ban as an incentive for F1 bosses to accept the plan. Used car salesman Bernard Ecclestone exclusively told The Rockall Times: "We desperately need sponsorship from other companies who put profits first and produce vast quantities of noxious fumes and don't give a tinker's about the consequences. Bus operators fit the bill perfectly."

Minardi boss Paul Stoddard is backing the plan 100 per cent. "By encouraging teams operating double-deckers into the sport, Minardi hope to start at least one Grand Prix ahead of the back row of the grid," he told us.

British backers hope to have at least four second-hand Routemasters contesting the 2004 F1 championship. Rumours that Reg Varney will manage the Ken Livingstone-sponsored team are unconfirmed.