The new Wembley stadium: Those seating plans in full

Details of the exciting ticket opportunities at the new Wembley stadium were announced yesterday alongside the exciting news that work was just four years and not six years behind schedule as was previously feared.

The opening game against World Cup holders Brazil promises to be a sell-out, and FA officials say they are keen to ensure that as many genuine supporters as possible get to attend.

With a capacity of 90,000, many football fans have been saving for months to buy a place in history for themselves and their families. Mindful of the importance of the stadium to the general populace, FA officials have announced a range of ticket prices to cater for all those interested in attending.

At the launch of the Powerpoint presentation to be used at the official launch of the marketing launch of the new stadium next month, our crack team of investigative reporters uncovered the plans for ticketing at the new stadium.

Each area or "experience station" will be named, graded and colour-coordinated to make it easy for people to aspire to afford the best seats. A full breakdown follows:

• Diamond: (20,000 seats) Cost only £25,000 a year. This will entitle the holder to attend 10 games a season, including the Freight Rover Trophy, England schoolgirls' matches, and one full international (Band Z games only). Holders will also be entitled to "queue priority" in the many Nancy Del'Olio franchise Italian takeaway snack bars dotted around the stadium.
• Gold: (20,000 seats) Cost just £20,000 a year. Same privileges as Diamonds seats but staff at the stadium will look at them slightly snootily when admitting them to the ground.
• Silver: (20,000 seats) A mere £15,000 a year. As above but staff will not be polite until tipped heavily.
• Corporate Boxes: (10,000 seats) A very reasonable £500,000 per box. Wembley officials promise "a special experience" for all those seated in this area with no obligation to watch the match being played. Playboy TV channel will also be available (surcharge payable). For a one-off fee, your name will be engraved on the back of your own seat for a week. For a larger payment, this will be made legible.
• Executive Boxes: (10,000 seats) Reserved for the "special partners" of the England team. Details of entry to this exclusive club are sketchy, although a donation of £450,000 per year to the FA is viewed as good recommendation for entry.
• Debenture: (19,950 seats) For this, you will get a ticket with the word "Debenture" printed on it. Will be sold only to members of the official England Travel Club who can show a history of racism and violence. Wear a Stone Island jacket and get a £1 discount.
• Regular: (50 seats) Will be offered first to visiting teams with good connections to touts. Any remaining unsold tickets will be put on general sale, 72 hours before kick-off. View of the pitch slightly obstructed by McDonald's hoardings.