US plans baseball World Cup

Baseball authorities in America are considering a football-style World Cup for the sport, we can reveal.

The idea comes after years of criticism of the current tournament — the World Series — provoked by the fact that, despite the name, the competition is contested solely by teams from North America.

The new championship would adopt a more inclusive format and welcome teams from around the globe, treating them all equally. Almost.

Speaking to American journalists inside the Donald Nixon convention centre at Seaworld, Orlando, the head of Baseball's Federations was bullish. "I watched some of that soccer stuff during the World Cup last year and I was impressed with the way in which so many nations came together in the interests of corporate sports sponsorship. The only problem was the United States didn't win the whole shebang."

He then went on to give details of initial competition that would be held in any one of three world cities: Des Moines, Dixville Notch, or Peoria. Others details of the Baseball World Cup include:

• All countries in the world — with the exception of the United States — to take part in a qualifying tournament over a two-year period.
• The top two sides will then be flown to America (economy class) where they will take part in a play-off to decide the winner.
• The players from the winning side will then all receive tickets to attend the World Series (to be renamed the Baseball World Cup).
• Within the US, the winners of the American and National Leagues would battle their way through to final.
• The winner of that match would be declared undisputed champion of the world and be entitled to worldwide sponsorship deals.

The Federations' supremo strenuously denied that new regulations requiring all people arriving in the country to be strip-searched and divested of any offensive equipment ("such as baseball bats") could be seen as putting foreign nations at any sort of a disadvantage. This was reinforced by punching the air in unison with his staff and chanting loudly: "U-S-A, U-S-A!"