Crouching Rabbits, Hidden... Rabbits

Tragedy struck Diss last Thursday when a young man fell 30 foot from a tree to his death.

Twenty-eight-year-old Jiffy Smith was a member of the Laxfield 100, the internationally renowned stunt Morris dancing squad. The accident occurred by one of the duck ponds at the back of Snow Street, next to the tethered cow.

Stunt co-ordinator and spokesperson for the squad, Mary Philley, explained how the accident happened: "We were practising a new stunt with all twelve members of the Laxfield 100 perched up the trees. The first movement is a dramatic affair involving leaping from tree to tree whilst performing the May Rites to Pumpin (that old time classic).

Jiffy, unfortunately, mistimed his final leap and failed to connect batons with the Pumpin God [Jenny Oakley, librarian]. This in turn lead to Jiffy's left ankle ribbon snagging a branch and causing him to crash to the ground."

Mrs. Philley continued: "This really is a most unfortunate event as we will now be one short for the Pavilion performance on Thursday."

This is the third in a string of fatal incidents to befall the squad since its foundation last year. In response to criticism that such activities carried an unnatural level of risk, Mrs. Philley replied: "There is always an element of danger associated with this sort of extreme sport and each member of the squad accepts this and signs a disclaimer prior to joining the group. The risks may be high but the result is always spectacular. Obviously, there is a possibility of violent death, and the fatality which occurred during the double-decker bus wall of death leap stunt was purely down to bad luck. The other victim, who lost his life while break dancing on a tightrope, simply lacked coherent judgement."

An anonymous member of the Town Council stated: "I am appalled at the loss of all life and have been known to weep publicly at the sight of flattened ducks on Victoria Road. Having said that, as is the case with all forms of entertainment, originality is the key to success and this stunt dancing group has certainly been a crowd-puller for Diss."

Mrs. Philley concluded: "People have questioned our safety standards and I would say to these people that we put 100 percent thought into each of the dance stunts and are constantly trying to improve both safety and entertainment value."

Editorial note

Readers not acquainted with Diss may be interested to know that this charming Norfolk town is host to the annual "Duelling Banjos" mountain man hog-roast. And, each Spring, locals jeer and throw vegetables as cart-loads of shoplifting single mothers and specially-imported sacrificial virgins are driven through the streets en-route to fiery death in an enormous wicker man. Diss has also achieved scientific fame by having the greatest number of directly-related individuals of any UK town.