Livingstone hailed for Pink Peril bus triumph

London Mayor and all around good egg Ken Livingstone has revealed how he inspired the Pink Peril bus on the Isle of Wight that has attracted so much media attention.

The bus is used to transport children who have proved too disruptive and difficult to take the regular school bound services. With uncomfortable seats and painted in a horrible pink colour, the shame of travelling on the vehicle has proved a effective deterrent to further bad behaviour.

"We're delighted with the idea," said a IOW spokeswoman on a yacht berthed at Cowes, "and we only got it after a word from Mr Livingstone."

A tanned and refreshed Livingstone spoke to The Rockall Times from his holiday home in the back of a cab: "I'd heard about the problems they'd been having with some of these children — kids eh, who needs 'em, eh? — and suggested they adopt the methods we've been using on people stupid enough to attempt to travel around the centre of my city."

Just as travel on the Pink Peril is reserved for those children naughty enough to deserve it, so travel on Livingstone's fiendishly clever "new" bendy buses is reserved for those too stupid to be rich enough to go by taxi or pay the congestion charge.

The only difference is that the Pink Peril has no heating whereas the infamous Bendy Buses have no air conditioning and windows that only open a smidgen. "It's a nice touch that last one," agreed Livingstone, stroking his white cat while relaxing in a black leather swivel armchair situated in the penthouse suite atop the London Assembly building. "The passengers think they might cool down but all that tiny bit of fresh air does is torture them. Ha ha."

Asked whether he really expected us to believe that death by asphixiation was in London commuters' best interests, the mayor's response was unequivocal: "No Mr Bond, I expect you to die," he told our hapless reporter before leaving him strapped to a table of pure gold with a laser advancing towards his groin.

Mr Livingstone was later seen escaping London in a licenced black minisub.