Saddam fronts French Olympic bid

The shock announcement that former Iraqi ruler Saddam Hussein is to front a campaign to bring the 2012 Olympics to Paris was today greeted with gentlemenly dismay by the British Olympic Association.

"I say, those bloody Frenchies ought to play the game, what what?" exclaimed the BOA head Sir Christomly Bristle, while assuring Britons: "Don't worry chaps, we'll still win."

French president Jules Maigret defended his decision, saying that the financial and managerial skills so ably demonstrated by Saddam in his years as head of the Iraqi government, are just what are needed to win over the Olympic Committee.

"And of course," Maigret added, "E is our kind of dictator, and we 'ave already a very good and profitable relationship wiz 'im."

The bid is expected to cost only €4 billion, half of which will go to Saddam when they can find him, and the rest as miscellaneous expenses. An EC grant is expected to supply most of the cost.

British president Tony Blur is not at present involved in the British bid for the games, but promises to lead it if we look likely to win. "It is disgraceful," he would tell us if he were involved. "We will bring the games to London, and will use top sportsmen to persuade the other countries. There will be no bribery, no lavish entertainment, no free holidays or school fees, no gifts, no threats, no kidnapping, no blackmail and no shady deals. We will play this straight down the middle just like our bid for the World Cup."

Germany spoke out in support of the French move, amidst rumours that for the duration of the games, Germany will be technically regarded as part of France.

Deputy King John "Southpaw" Prescott broke off from sparring to add: "Indubitously, I support all meretriciously, and then a good thumping."