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'Granita note' just tip of political sensation iceberg

The shock publication of a power-sharing agreement between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown written at their infamous Granita meeting in 1994 has led to speculation that other such earth-shattering documents may yet fall from the New Labour closet and into the world's press.

Peter Mandelson discovered the so-called "Granita note" when rummaging through his attic for details of a house loan he once took out but had temporarily forgotten. He immediately leaked the document to newspapers worldwide, purely in the public interest. But we can reveal that the then Head of Communications at the Labour Party was present at a great many other seminal get-togethers. In every case he made a detailed record of what went on and who said what.

Here for the first time are extracts from minutes of crucial meetings recorded for posterity by Pistol Pete:

Tony Blair and Bernie Ecclestone —

What was it all about?: Keeping British motor racing fans happy, we think.

What was the result?: About one million paid back but a couple of million routed via the Bahamas.

Crucial quote from Mandy's memo: "I may need some of this for my new house."

Tony Blair and Bill Clinton —

What was it all about?: Whether to intervene or not in Bosnia and save the Balkans from further bloodshed.

What was the result?: Blair triumphant and acclaimed by millions of cheering Kosovars.

Crucial quote from Mandy's memo: "Bill told Tony he should be seeing some action apart from Cherie." Note in margin in PM's handwriting: "What does this mean Peter?"

Tony Blair and George Bush —

What was it all about?: The drive to make the Middle East safe for all its people and MacDonald's franchises.

What was the result?: Saddam's statue toppled.

Crucial quote from Mandy's memo: "Tony, quit worrying about this WMD shit. No one gives a damn."

Tony Blair and Clare Short —

What was it all about?: Either (a) Weapons of Mass Destruction or (b) Keeping gobby mouth happy.

What was the result?: Clare promised to leave, then promised to stay, then promised to leave, then promised to stay...

Crucial quote from Mandy's memo: "We've fooled the stupid cow! Again! I can't believe it! What a result!"

Peter Mandelson and H'Angus the Monkey —

What was it all about?: Bringing a new form of democracy to Hartlepool.

What was the result?: A new form of democracy was brought to Hartlepool.

Crucial quote from Mandy's memo: "Bananas for all could work nationwide Tony."

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