Why I will never leave the Liverpool I love
Tearful celebrities wax lyrical about ferries across the Mersey, etc. etc.
by Degsy
News that Liverpool has finally attained its just ranking as the top place to be in Europe has led to understandable gushing of effusiveness from some of the outrageously talented stars it has produced over the years.
We at The Rockall Times asked some of the greatest sons and daughters of Merseyside to explain in pithy terms just why they love their native town so much and why they could never bear to leave.
Jimmy Tarbuck: I only left the 'Pool 30 years ago because the golf courses of Surrey reminded me so much more of the back-to-back housing of Scottie Road. I still consider myself a native Scouser of course. A funny thing happened to me this morning...
Cilla Black: I only left the 'Pool 30 years ago because the designer boutiques of Surrey reminded me so much more of the back to back housing of Scottie Road. I still consider myself a native Scouser of course. The people there are a lorra lorra fun — I just don't want to live near any of them. Jimmy excepted.
George Melly: Although I have lived away from Liverpool for more than 50 years it has been such a heart-renderingly awful pain to do so that I would move back if I could. Or rather if I could bear to.
Paul McCartney: That John Lennon ripped off all my songs you know. I did all the work.
Phil Redmond: Growing up in the leafy Liverpool suburb of Brookie made me realise the fantastic community spirit of the people I could never leave Liverpool. Except for London or Manchester.
Gerard Houllier: Growing up in the relatively unknown Liverpool suburb of Boulangerie-sur-Mer I vowed to devote my life to the lads of Liverpool. And they have repaid me in full. About £5 million a year.
Linda Grant: (Reprinted from the Rockall Guardian) The wizened housing of the old, dilapidated centre of my home town continues to exert a metronome certainty on the inner lives of all nourished by its multi-faceted, multi-racial, multi-talented... [zzzzzzzzzzzzzz]