Shock as Times editors quit

One of the world's leading newspapers yesterday confirmed the departure of its two editors following shocking revelations of "occasional journalistic integrity" over an extended period of time.

Last month evidence was uncovered showing that some of the stories in the prestigious independent weekly, The Rockall Times, were not entirely fabricated, and occasionally lapsed into factual accuracy.

Although investigators found that most articles conformed to the paper's own journalistic mission statement — to inform and amuse via cheap innuendo, snickering sarcasm, irony and misinformation — a small number of genuine facts appear to have "slipped through the net".

Furthermore, several reports contained telling details indicating that the authors did in fact witness the event being described. This is a contrary to normal RT practice of fabricating stories while drunk.

Once the lid blew off the scandal at the Old Grey Drunk Lady, those journalists deemed responsible for these small but deadly amounts of veracity were immediately escorted from the building in the most upmarket district of the island, their few belongings thrown after them in black bin liners, and told never to return.

Now, with a full-blown witch-hunt underway, the editors who apparently allowed these "aberrations" have decided to resign "as those ultimately responsible for the good name of the publication".

Later, in a hastily-convened press conference at a pub, joint managing directors of the respected news organ — Lord McCarthy of Newquay and Viscount Haines of Manningtree — issued the following official statement:

"We are both determined to maintain the standards The Rockall Times is justifiably famous for," they droned. "It was a great shock to us to find that some stories had evaded our teams of dedicated fiction checkers. Swords will be fallen on, make no mistake."

Other newspapers have been publicly supportive but privately jubilant. One sub-editor on the St Kilda Bugle said, off the record: "I was shocked beyond belief. You don't expect to believe a single word The Rockall Times says, and if that's no longer the case then it's a black day indeed for journalism."

The New York Times went further. Its North Atlantic correspondent, writing from the bar of the Beverley Hills Hilton, noted: "As I stand here on the lonely islet of Rockall, the great kelp fields stretching behind around me from horizon to horizon, I cannot fail to be touched by the sight of this mighty organ laid low, this clarion of inveracity muted by scandal. The question we must all ask is this: How could this happen, how could this be allowed to happen, and what must we do to ensure that it never happens again?"