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  Monday 9th June 2003  Yeast Logic   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Saddam had Death Star WMD

Irrefutable evidence points to chilling capability
by Alex Prior

In a stunning blow to disbelievers, the American and British governments have revealed "irrefutable evidence" that Saddam Hussein possessed a fully operational Death Star Battle Station in the run up to Gulf War II™, and that it could have been operational in as little as 4,500 years "or less".

CIA artist's impression of how they believe Saddam's Death Star may have looked"There is now no doubt that the Iraqis had this weapon of mass destruction, as we have found video footage evidence in one of Saddams's palaces, and we have taken some pictures of it through a telescope," Prime Minister Blair declared last night. "I have seen those photographs and it is frankly terrifying."

However, leading scientists have urged caution and suggested that they find it highly improbable that Saddam had been able to build a space based WMD the size "of a small moon". Dr Paul Haversham, of the European Space Agency stated: "We have to use rockets to launch satellites about the size of a refrigerator, so I am naturally sceptical about whether the Iraqis had the ability to build a 2,000km wide artificial planet." Steve Wozniak of NASA dismissed the claims as "pure science fiction, I think".

Nevertheless, CIA sources claim that the Death Star was only the tip of Saddam's iceberg like ambitions: "He also had thousands of space fighters designed and built in a kind of H configuration, and all his Republican Guards had these white chemical suits with all-over headgear," said one spook meticulously examining an aerial reconnaissance photograph of a suspect Iraqi milk-bottling plant.

He went on to deny claims that the photos are nothing other than indistinct golf balls touched up in Photoshop, and Ronald Dumsfeld went further and staked his credibility on this new evidence stating: "That is categorically not a sports manufacturer logo behind what we believe is Saddam's personal control ship coming towards the screen."

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