Classified ads 16.06.03

Powdered water, old comedian and self-portrait up for grabs

by Flash Gorman

Powdered water. Latest technological breakthrough. More compact and lightweight than conventional water. Ideal for desert expeditions or similar. Simply add H₂O to re-hydrate. Telephone: Rockall 3182
Set of vibrating love eggs and 18-inch dildo. Complete with batteries and lubricating jelly. Unwanted Golden Wedding Anniversary gift. Write to: 10 Lower Rock Walk, Rockall
1970s comedian. Still in and on box. Contains range of offensive jokes. Please note: mother-in-law jokes a little worn. £50 ono. Write to: PO box 52
Assorted clichés. All tried and tested. Including "you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps" and "please do not ask for credit as a smack in the mouth often offends". Would suit manufactuer of amusing stickers or similar. £100 the lot. Tel: Rockall 7823
Large banana. Unwanted dessert. May split. Tel: Rockall 6534
Self portrait with frame. Would suit man in forties with moustache and greying hair. Tel: Rockall 2323

Great big melting pot. Must be big enough to take the world and all it's got. Pref non-stick. Tel: Rockall 8232

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