Bully suicide teenager was enemy combatant

Suicide teenager Thomas Thompson was not bullied into taking his life but was an enemy combatant responsible for not agreeing with the US administration, human rights lawyers revealed today.

Thompson, from Liverpool, was thought to have taken a painkiller overdose because of incessant bullying from schoolmates but in a shocking revelation it is now clear he was a Muslim activist dedicated to terrorism.

A post-mortem first raised questions over the 11-year-old's death when it was revealed his blood contained huge levels of potassium chloride — the drug commonly used for lethal injection in America's deathrow.

Further investigation revealed that he had been found guilty and sentenced to death in abstentia by a US military tribunal in Cuba. Due to the neccessary secrecy over the trial, Thompson was not informed of his impending trial for security reasons.

Instead, he was represented by a Pentagon lawyer selected for him by the US administration. The trial itself is believed to have been held away from prying eyes by a jury of unnamed commissioned officers. It is unclear what evidence was laid against Thompson but insiders are said to have informed Mrs Thompson that their son was vigorously defended and it was only the unaminous guilty verdict that led to him being sentenced to death.

This is no legal review of the court's decision and human rights lawyers have condemned the decision and in particular the fact that the lawyer chosen was not allowed access to the case notes for fear of prejudicing the guilty verdict.

Nevertheless, Thompson parents have accepted that the trial was essential if the War on Terror™ is going to be won. "It's just terrible what the terrorists have done to him. He must have been planning attacks against the West during lunchtimes at school," said Mrs Thompson. "I'm only glad that justice has finally been done."

She also speaks warmly of foreign secretary Jack Straw who gave permission for the US execution squad to enter the UK and despose of Thomas. "I asked him why he hadn't attempted to intervene on behalf of a UK citizen but a memo from his secretary informed me that he had done everything possible once he heard about the trial including sending an email to his counterpart in the States saying he wasn't too sure it was a good idea. I don't think I can have asked for much more than that."