Whither Britain's legal system?

Following government claims that the British legal profession is in urgent need of modernisation, The Rockall Times has managed to obtain an interview with renowned High Court Judge, Justice P. Fennywick.

At a sprightly 109 years of age, Justice Fennywick is one of the youngest judges on the high court circuit and has a reputation as a progressive thinker. We started the interview by asking his opinion on the Governments view that judge's mode of dress is old-fashioned.

"Pah, phish and nonsense," exclaimed the judge "I myself sometimes wear moleskin trews with brass buttons on the side which make me look quite the dandy. I also gather that some of the circuit judges have taken to wearing their wigs with fourteen curls instead of sixteen which is the latest fashion from Paris I believe."

Having established the Judge's fashion credentials we moved on the more serious issue of sentencing. What, for instance, were the Judge's views on drug offences?

"I think it all depends on the quantities involved. A fellow smoking an opium pipe in his own study is one thing, but a rogue who is caught on the streets with a five guinea bag of hemp? That's quite another matter. The former may benefit from a regime of vigorous exercise and cold bathing, whilst the latter should be deported to the colonies at great haste."

Harsh but fair, we felt. What were the Judge's thoughts on motoring offences?

"I have heard tell of some modern automobiles that can exceed 30 miles of the hour," murmured the judge through a fresh glass of mead. "This strikes me as utter folly as I suspect people would suffocate at these velocities. I would recommend a birching for the operator of the machine and a public stoning for the automobile itself."

We had hoped for more of the Judge's valuable insights but unfortunately he had to attend the telegraph office to send an important missive to Rhodesia and was anxious not to miss the last autogyro. As we watched him being carried away in his sedan chair, generously scattering some farthings to street urchins, we felt a warm glow that such a modern and forward thinking individual was available to grab the madly spinning helm of British Justice and steer it to safer waters.