Save Scotland's regiments!

Reports that the Ministry of Defence is considering scrapping one of the Army's six remaining Scottish infantry regiments has led to indignation being expressed by all the political parties north of the border (the one between England and Scotland that is).

"This is an outrage," exclaimed the SNP's Jim "Big Jim" MacBigot. "At a time when more and more men — and women of course — are needed for vital peacekeeping duties in oil-rich former dictatorships there can be no excuse for the MoD's actions."

Other MPs, from all the other main parties north of the border, made it very clear just how much they agreed with MacBigot.

Having made their deeply-held feelings clear on that matter, the MPs then returned to the ongoing problem of the overly high numbers of Scotsmen and women serving in the UK armed forces.

"This is an outrage", exclaimed the SNP's MacBigot, "Why should there be a higher proportion of Scots at risk of dying in the sands of Iraq or the jungles of Borneo? Action must be taken now."

Other MPs, from all the other parties north of the border, made it very clear just how much they agreed with MacBigot.

Here is a full list of those Scottish regiments:

• The Queen's own All-Butter Shortbread Men
• The Pints of Heavies
• The Royal and Ancient
• The Fine Fighting Jocks of Cumbernauld New Town
• The Bare-assed Mel Gibsonians
• The Loch Ness Light Infantry (may not really exist)

Indeed, Scotland's regiments have a proud fighting tradition, writes our military correspondant Major-General Tommy "Goose" Green, VC, DSO, EPOS and barcode. "Their bravery is second to none. Although they did not actually fight at Rourke's Drift, many have endured Michael Caine's accent in Zulu without complaint.

"Their role in the subjugation of India was pivotal. Entire companies spend months at a time under the merciless Indian Summer sun without even a sniff of a mutton pie or deep-fried pizza supper. How they must have suffered is unimaginable.

"And, during the liberation of France, several Highland sons won the greatest military honours for putting an entire SS Panzer division to flight with nothing more than a bagpipe rendition of Mull of Kintyre. These truly are men to be reckoned with."