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Letter from America: Freedom Fries

Letter from America

It seems that most of the world has a problem with America these days. That's to be expected: we are, after all, the world's dominant economic, political and military force. The worrying thing about all of this is the extent of jealous, bitter, foaming at the mouth lies coming from our 'allies' in Europe and Britain. OK, we bombed a few mud shacks in Afghanistan, a few bullets here and there wound up killing the wrong people, the Iraq war wasn't based on entirely accurate intelligence, a kid got his arms and legs blown off. These things happen in a war for chrissakes! What really bugs me and a lot of my friends over here in America is, well, the French for starters. So long as we're pointing fingers here, what have they ever contributed to the world?

Well, nothing. They're nothing but a bunch of wine guzzling, cheese eating, port blockading, bicycle riding, garlic chomping, God-denying, beret wearing, surrender monkeys, and if it wasn't for us Americans, they'd all be goose-stepping round the Arc-de Triumph singing songs about schnitzels. I'd say it's about time we got a bit of respect from those soap-dodging ingrates! They accuse us Americans of bullying the rest of the world to our own narrow agenda. Well that may be the case, but we liberated Europe, twice! And we saved their asses from the Russians, so gad Damn it! Europe is as good as ours! If they don't start behaving like it, then we may as well turn them over to the Chinese! Now, how d'you like them apples!

Next week I'll be hunting down French President Jacques' Iraq to find out what he thinks about American Foreign Policy, and if he so much as mentions WMD's I'm going to kick his froggy ass from here to Baghdad.

YEEEHAW!

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