Those Rockall Haiku results in full

Thanks very much to all those readers who entered our Rockall haiku competition — proof, were it needed that there are better things to do at work than work.

Firstly, let's have a shufti at those entries alluding to our epic 2003 Rockall Ho! adventure. Yes, it's true: we've been to Rockall and we've got the haikus to prove it. Take it away Al:

Little rock in sea
Evade all map and chart well
Where be sodding rock?!

Where indeed? Having found said islet, what on God's earth do you do next? Jason Parr's got it pretty well covered:

Five men on a boat.
Two jump out, swim, then return,
beaten by the rock.

Ah yes, beaten by the sacred rock. Rockall Times contributor Steve Craig now answers the "what happened next?" question:

wind and rain and waves,
wind and rain and waves and rock,
Fuc*k this, let's go home

Agreed. And as for the return match, let's look to G. Gollinger for inspiration:

Guano-covered rock.
One day I shall venture there,
And evict Greenpeace

Yes, Greenpeace, bless 'em, who spent an inadvisably extended period of time camped on Rockall to protest against North Atlantic oil exploration. The significance of Rockall to eco-warriors everywhere was not lost on Mike J Capay, who also got in a reference to Pincher Martin for those of you who like a light read:

Drowning man finds rock
In sea of empty oilfields
A slippery climb

A slippery climb indeed, trust us. Of course, Rockall is famous not simply for the possible presence of oil beneath its guano-covered cliffs. The Irish, Danes, Icelanders and Brits have been fighting over it for years, Madness, sheer madness, as Snowdrop Explodes notes:

Homeland to seabirds
Pebble thrown by Finn Mac Cool
Why did he bother?

Yes, the Irish claim on Rockall is based on the above legend and not much else. But what about the Danes? Take it away Dan Levy:

O Rugged Rockall,
Atlantic waves crash all year;
Danes hide in calm fjords

Bloody right they do, although they occassionaly venture out to fire abusive emails at us. Ha! We laugh in the face of Scandinavian imperialism, as Hugo Tyson and Rob Harper assert:

Rockall, where the sea
Belongs to Britain oh yes
it does. Quite right too

Lonely granite isle
Standing firm 'gainst wind and Dane
Fuc*k off it's British!

Enough said. Before departing this strand, let's have a look at this noteworthy effort from Elton Cane, who has provided both Japanese and English versions of his haiku. Brave boy:

Samishi ishi
Ooi kuni wa hoshi
Tori no toire

Rock of loneliness
Many countries want you bad
Toilet for the birds

Bravo, sir. Right, enough politics. Let's get on with the poetry. Here's a selection which tickled our fancy. So much so that we have decided to award each of these a stick of our Rockall rock as runners-up prizes. No, really, we've got minty Rockall rock with stripes and "Rockall" running through the middle and everything. Here, then, are those who will be getting their laughing gear round a cellophane-wrapped sugar stick in the near future. For your viewing pleasure, we have arranged them in alphabetical order:

James Dunning:

fisher, german bight,
viking, forties, and dogger,
rockall they are not

Ben Holness:

Pudding shaped sea-rock
Home to various creatures
Six species reside

Richard Horton:

On the sea bound rock
Waves reach for the arc of birds
Guano streams to waves

Terence McCarthy:

Lone and lovely rock,
Stillness in the moving sea.
Yet satire shakes you.

Wolfgang Melenk:

autumn grey water
surrounds you, beloved Rockall
silent volcano

Philip E. Perry

Oh, Rockall, oh stone,
from the sea, mightily stand,
majestic, and proud.

Craig Stevens:

Unfeasible space
Nothing said its emptiness
Echo loops it blank

Excellent work. We must now reveal the five winners of our lovely t-shirts. Four talented laureates have secured a Rockall Britannia, and the overall winner can pick any two shirts from the range. Here we go:

Jane Auerbach:

International
competition. Nations play
scissors, paper....rock.

Mike J Capay:

We'll burst the sea's boil
And squeeze out the Oil: Rockall
North Atlantic Zit

Myron Chaffee:

The dancing ocean
Ringing round the world's keen eye
Shameless shards of rock

Russell:

Nothing to see here
Bloody great rock in the sea
Move along now please

And the winner is: Chris Corfe:

wild isolation
mighty she stands, dripping spume
majestic Rockall

It works for us. For the record, we had a right old struggle sorting this little lot out, and some good laughs along the way. Feel free to disagree violently with our choice, but kindly direct your anger at the Danes.

If those listed above for prizes would contact us with mailing addresses, we'd be grateful. Of course, in the unlikely event that you're actually at your desk doing paid work and not reading this, we'll be in touch shortly.