You call this art? We call it scumsucking paedo filth

We at The Rockall Times have joined calls this week to drag so-called "artist" Betsy Schneider through the streets of London by her hair so that outraged citizens can express their disgust at her so-called "exhibition" of child pornography by kicking and punching the depraved harlot until she gets a proper job.

Schneider last week exhibited so-called "photographs" of her naked daughter in an East London gallery. She claimed they showed "time, change and growth". Well, Schneider, tell that to a tearful mother when her kiddie has been raped and murdered by a predatory paedo driven to homicidal sexual frenzy by your so-called "art".

Mercifully, Schneider's filthy images were removed from the gallery after staff discovered 200 scruffy men masturbating in the gallery's toilets while simultaneously distributing the pornography via state-of-the-art 3G video phones.

But while the nation's parents are today asking why this excrement was allowed to crawl stinking from the sewer, we at The Rockall Times can exclusively reveal that Schneider's kiddie porn is just the tip of an international iceberg of explicit images of children floating in a cruel sea of paedophile lust.

Chillingly, many of these depictions are freely available on the Internet and in specialist "bookstores". Indeed, our reporter was able — in just two hours — to pack a CD-rom with naked children; enough to feed three hundred kiddie fiddlers for a month.

But there's worse. Terrifyingly, we can confirm that a worldwide market has developed for this material — a multi-million dollar business where "dealers" and "collectors" meet at "auctions" and vast sums of money change hands for original "works", in the sickening argot of the trade.

And incredibly, governments will often turn a blind eye to these activities, even on occasions unwittingly funding the evil trade in perversion. Our investigation led us to a large public building in central London where sexually-provocative representations of small babies, children and pre-pubescent nudes are on full view to anyone who walks in off the street.

Such buildings exist in virtually every major metropolitan centre on earth. Listed below is the proof — a selection of artistic depravity so profound that we ask ourselves this question: have we sunk so low as a civilisation that the perpetrators of such outrages can walk the streets without being set upon by gangs of screaming and vengeance-bent Portsmouth council estate residents? It appears that we have.

Warning: Some of the images shown below are so explicit that they may induce apoplexy and/or temporary blindness in those of a nervous disposition or those who read The Daily Mail. If you suffer from neither of these afflictions, click on the thumbnails for a larger representation of the "work".

	Ganymede: It makes our stomachs turn that your granny could — perfectly innocently — walk into the antiquities department of any museum and be confronted by this kind of sickening kiddie porn. Pertaining to ancient Greece, this filth at least serves to show that paedophiles were not actually invented by the News of the World in 1998. What this poor lad is expected to do to that chicken doesn't even bear thinking about.
	An Allegory with Venus and Cupid: Paedophiles will often attempt to hide their satanic proclivities behind a veneer of respectability. Here, the "artist" has used a mythological allegory as a vehicle to deliver a "come-hither" infant whose twin brother is already engaged in sexual foreplay with a grown woman. The small girl in the background, meanwhile, prepares to pleasure herself with what appears to be a Sony Walkman. Unspeakable.
	The Assumption of the Virgin: Worse still is this orgy of infant puti — a writhing mass of plump, pink flesh. This is known to fully-trained paedophiles as a "kindercluster" and is shown here supporting the Virgin Mary on her ascent to heaven. Mary, of course, here represents the paedophile himself, raised to a state of ecstasy by this baby beanbag. Shamefully, such paintings are often commissioned by Popes, who must have had some idea what long-term effect they would have on Catholic priests.
	The Spirit of the Dead Keeps Watch: Here we see a girl, no more than twelve, clearly drugged and tied to a bed. We can only image the pain and humiliation she has suffered at the hands of her tormentor. Actually, he was French, so we can give it a pretty good shot. Monstrous.
	Equivalent VIII: This work demonstrates how even the world's leading authorities can be deceived. Here we see the explicit paedophile message obscured behind a curtain of minimalist abstract modernism - a supine pre-pubescent virgin, quietly awaiting deflowerment by her slave master, rendered as two layers of house bricks. It's incredible to think that this widely-acclaimed installation, acquired by a leading collection for £800m, has continued to delight casual observers unaware of its true significance. We can only hope that someone sooner, rather than later, takes a sledgehammer to this paedo icon, then urinates on the rubble before using it as hardcore for a Lady Di memorial kiddies' playground. Only then will the world be free of such evil.

Next week

We ask the Daily Mail's art critic for his response to our findings but he becomes so angry that he retreats to his favourite restaurant and beats the Slovenian dish-washer to death with a coffee-table size portfolio of Caravaggio reproductions.