That Anelka apology: The first draft

News that "Incredible Sulk" Nicolas Anelka sent a grovelling text message to French national football team coach Jacques Santini in a last, desperate attempt to be selected for Euro 2004, has rocked the world of soccer to the very foundations of the replica kit market on which it stands.

In the publicly-released version, highly-talented misfit Anelka admits to hundreds of past mistakes (although omitting thousands of others on the grounds of brevity) and apologises to "Monsieur Santini, the French Football Federation, all French football supporters, plus Oncle Thomas Cobbleigh et tout".

However, The Rockall Times has managed to obtain a copy of the original hand-written first draft composed by the happy-go-lucky star himself — the later version appears to have been somewhat edited by his agent who gets a 5 per cent cut of any international appearence money.

Mon cher Jacques

So you want me back eh? If you aren't prepared to grovel and you can kiss my ass. I may consider it. Pah!

Zut alors, I spit on you and your family. Do you not understand that a player like me is too good to play for France with some of the other players you choose. Mon Dieu!

I am far too good for Arsenal, far too good for Real Madrid and far too good for Paris St Germain. Though not too good for Man City — Monsieur Kev is tres sympa.

But if I do come back here are my five conditions:

1. I play in every game for the whole 90 minutes.
2. Unless I don't want to in which case I don't.
3. Any goal that I have any part in whatsoever must be credited to me.
4. As well as every other goal scored.
5. The rest of the team is to lighten up so I don't have to spend my whole time looking at a bunch of morose, monosyllabic know-nothings who are unprepared to talk to anyone.

Amour

Ton mec

Nic