Manufacturer moots changes to Blair Mark 1

One of Britain's most successful products of recent times is to undergo significant changes in the hope that earlier success at home will be reprised and new markets in Europe conquered. In an innovative step, customers will be allowed to vote on changes they, or do not, want made.

In the past couple of years, the previously widely popular Blair Mark 1 has seen a slump in sales leading to the previously unthinkable — that the model may have to be discontinued and replaced by a more contemporary version. As manufacturing costs have risen in the south of England, where the Blair Mark I was developed and handles best, those in charge of the product have been considering replacing it with something more suitable for the rest of country, and even the continent.

A possible option involves substituting the Blair with something produced in Scotland where designers are understood to have drawn up plans for the "Brown People Carrier". This is not only larger but has less need for expensive, foreign petrol and — most importantly — can travel in more than one direction. Focus groups have responded positively.

The basic problem with the Blair Mark 1 is that it does not have the sort of manoeuvrability standard on other vehicles currently sold on the continent, and which are becoming increasingly attractive to British consumers. For example, the Spanish model — the Zapatero Cut and Run — has already attained a cult following among many for its tight turning circle and rapid acceleration allowing those on board to leave places in a hurry.

Sadly, the Blair Mark 1 has not moved with the times and, just as British products of the 60s and 70s made the UK the laughing stock of the manufacturing world, it now verges on miserable obsolescence.

A PR spokesman for Blair Mark 1 dealers told The Rockall Times: "Up until now the public have been willing to accept the Blair Mark 1 because of their liking for its general design and straight-line speed. Now, however, the fact that it has no reverse gear is making it increasingly hard for consumers to swallow. If new European vehicle regulations — known in the trade as 'The Constitution' — are going to be met then something has to give."

But amid the speculation, there is also confusion. Some salespeople now insist that the Blair Mark 1 can go backwards, despite the manual quite clearly stating that it cannot and that there is no reverse gear fitted and no possibility whatsoever of installing it on the existing chassis.

Whether or not the Blair Mark II ever rolls from the production line, we can confirm one certainty: it will be available in only in Sterling and not, ever, in euros.