The Rockall Times' at-a-glance guide to the new Europe

We at The Rockall Times would like to extend a warm welcome to those 10 nations who over the weekend joined the happy Brotherhood of Man we call the European Union.

In the spirit of greater understanding between all the members of the mighty trading block which now encompasses 25 countries and more than 400m souls, we have compiled an at-a-glance guide to each and every EU member state — complete with scintillating factoids and useful pub-quiz trivia.

Simply click on any flag on our fantastic interactive map below and you will be immediately transported to your country of choice. Alternatively, scroll through the entire alphabetical listing for the complete European picture. Enjoy.

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	Austria: Backed the wrong side between 1938 and 1945, subsequently spent twenty years in the doldrums after getting a slapped wrist from the Red Army, and has done little since except claim one Eurovision Song Contest — in 1966 — with Mercie Chérie by Udo Jürgens. And that was in French. Major exports: Right-wing politicians. Most famous citizen: Adolf Hitler. Greatest contribution to humanity: Not getting annexed by Germany for a second time. Back to map
	Belgium: Who now remembers Belgium's lasting contribution to international culture — its 1986 Eurovision victory with Sandra Kim's J'aime la vie? Exactly. Major exports: Beer, chocolate. Most famous citizen: None. Greatest contribution to humanity: None. Back to map
	Cyprus: The Turkish and Greek communities of Cyprus recently voted not to reunify their sun-kissed and war-torn island. This comes as no surprise since this troublesome little island has continually disrupted Eurovision events with its cynical political and strategic voting. Has competed in nine contests, achieving a best position of seventh. And no wonder. Major exports: Political bickering, olive oil. Most famous citizen: Archbishop Makarios Greatest contribution to humanity: Participating in just nine Eurovision Song Contests. It could have been worse. Back to map
	Czech Republic: One of about 200 post-Communist countries which came about as a result of the fall of the Iron Curtain, the Czech Republic has yet to make its mark on the world of popular music. Best remembered for the Prague Spring and once being part of another, larger nation whose name escapes us. Major exports: Nothing springs to mind. Beer? Most famous citizen: Václav Havel. Greatest contribution to humanity: Providing the setting for Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. Back to map
	Denmark: Achieved millennium Eurovision supremacy with the Olsen Brothers' Fly on the wings of love — proof, were it needed, that lyrics in the international language of pop significantly increase a song's chances of success. France take note. Major exports: Bacon. Most famous citizen: Canute. Greatest contribution to humanity: The Faroe Island sweater. Back to map
	Estonia: A musical nation, perhaps best known for its 1988 "Singing Revolution", when thousands gathered in the capital Tallinn to protest against Soviet occupation. Later turned this propensity for melody into a potent weapon and shocked the world of pop by winning the 2001 Eurovision Song Contest in Copenhagen. Nothing more to note, except it may be involved in the production of plywood. Or maybe not. Lost the Eurovision crown to bitter rivals Latvia in 2002, and subsequently slipped quietly back into obscurity. Major exports: Eurovision Song Contest presenters Most famous citizens: Tanel Padar, Dave Benton and 2XL — winners of the 2001 Eurovision Song Contest. Greatest contribution to humanity: 2001 Eurovision Song Contest winning entry Everybody. Back to map
	Finland: They may be handy on a set of skis, but the closest the inhabitants of this snow-covered northern wilderness have ever come to Eurovision laurels was in 1973 when Marion Rung climbed the pop ladder to take a giddy sixth spot with Tom Tom Tom. Major exports: Snow, saunas. Most famous citizen: Jean Sibelius Greatest contribution to humanity: The sauna. Back to map
	France: Has not even looked like lifting the Eurovision trophy since Marie Myriam stormed the 1977 contest in London with Olso L'oiseau et l'enfant. Have since consoled themselves by blockading ports, overturning foreign trucks and generally bellyaching about pretty well everyone in Europe. Except, of course, their old mates the Germans. Major exports: British beef lorries. Most famous citizen: Eric Cantona. Greatest contribution to humanity: Culinary snobbery. Back to map
	Germany: Has only won a single Eurovision title, in 1982, when Nicole took the applause for Ein bißchen Frieden. We have no idea what that title means, but rather suspect it might roughly translate as "We are going to buy all of your car companies". Major exports: Panzers, stormtroopers, etc. Most famous citizen: Rudolf Hess. Greatest contribution to humanity: Invasion of France. Back to map
	Greece A Eurovision latecomer, making its first appearance in 1974, Greece has shown a distinct lack of success in the contest. Presumably, most of its energy has gone into complaining about the Elgin Marbles. Major exports: Fabulous statuary from ancient monuments. Most famous citizen: Nana Mouskouri. Greatest contribution to humanity: Democracy. Back to map
	Hungary Four Eurovision showings culminated in a dismal 1998 performance for Charlie's A holnap már nem lesz szomorú, which trailed in in 23rd place. What did we say about singing in English, eh? Hungarian is reputed to be one of the most obscure languages in the world, its origins lost in the mists of time. Well, pick a proper language — and be quick about it. Major exports: Paprika. Most famous citizen: None listed in our database. Greatest contribution to humanity: Goulash. Back to map
	Ireland Incredibly, plucky Ireland has won the Eurovision Song contest no less than seven times, including three successive triumphs in 1992-4. Indeed, who can ever forget when the lovely Dana founded a europop dynasty with All kinds of everything in 1970? Not us, that's for sure. Has recently lost absolute supremacy to the rising Baltic/Turkish Eurovision threat, but remains a net exporter of boy bands. Major exports: Guinness, boy bands, Riverdance. Most famous citizen: Ronan Keating. Greatest contribution to humanity: Guinness. Back to map
	Italy Despite taking the Eurovision crown in 1990 when Toto Cutugno wowed the audience with Insieme: 1992, this music-loving nation has not competed since 1997. A shame, since the Italians' natural sense of style and an ear for a catchy tune would surely gain them further plaudits. Major exports: Microwaveable mini-pizzas, scooters, Cosa Nostra. Most famous citizen: Don Corleone. Greatest contribution to humanity: Microwaveable mini-pizzas. Back to map
	Latvia: The little-known Baltic state rose to international prominence in 2002 by snatching the Eurovision Song Contest from bitter rivals Estonia. The triumph came after decades of oppression under the Soviets, then the Nazis, the Soviets again. Now celebrating this hard-won democracy by knocking out world-beating pop tunes, and allegedly producing plywood in vast quantities. Major exports: Eurovision Song Contest presenters, and possibly plywood. Most famous citizen: Marie N, winner of the 2002 Eurovision Song Contest. Greatest contribution to humanity: 2002 Eurovision Song Contest winning entry I Wanna. Back to map
	Lithuania: Suffered greatly — in common with its arch Eurovision rivals Estonia and Latvia — under the Nazis, then the Soviets, then the Nazis again then the Soviets one more time. Failed, however, to convert this history of suffering into post-liberation Eurovision success. Indeed, its best showing was in 2001 when Skamp romped to 13th place with You Got Style. Can only hope that EU membership will finally bring the musical recognition this plywood-producing superpower greatly deserves. Major exports: Plywood. Most famous citizen: Aivaras, who managed a creditable 23rd place in the 2002 Eurovision Song Contest. Greatest contribution to humanity: 2002 Eurovision Song Contest 23rd-placed Happy You. Back to map
	Luxembourg: Minuscule Luxembourg, with a population of just 26, punches way above its weight in the brutal arena of televised pop. Has won Eurovision no less than five times. Indeed, we at The Rockall Times still remember with some bitterness the titanic 1972 battle in Edinburgh when Vicky Leandros with Après toi pipped The News Seekers and Beg, steal or borrow to the post in a nail-biting climax. Vicky was later commemorated on a series of stamps. Major exports: Stamps. Most famous citizen: Stanley Gibbons. Greatest contribution to humanity: Philately. Back to map
	Malta: We seem to remember something about this tiny island being awarded something for it did during the war. The only other pertinent fact we were able to discover is that it has been a Eurovision competitor since 1971, and reached second place in 2002 when Ira Losco unleashed 7th Wonder on an evidently-impressed world. Major exports: Pimps, pool players. Most famous citizen: Ira Losco. Greatest contribution to humanity: Whatever it was it did during the war. Back to map
	The Netherlands: Defined forever the Eurovision paradigm with the 1975 winning entry Ding-a-dong, performed by the snappily-named Teach-In. Since then, the three-time winners haven't even looked like challenging for the title, so what went wrong? In short: legalised drugs, pornography and prostitution. After all, who's got time to pick up a guitar when there's pot to smoke, whores to shag and DVDs of women performing sexual acts on farmyard animals to be enjoyed? No-one, that's who. Major exports: Drugs, pornography. Most famous citizen: William of Orange. Greatest contribution to humanity: Drugs, pornography. Back to map
	Poland: Joined the Eurovision family in 1994, after years of post-Communist turmoil and despair. By far the biggest new EU member, but still can't boast a better placing than second in that same year. Since then, it's been downhill all the way. Must be hoping for a substantial handout of eurocash to revive the evidently moribund local music scene. Economy currently based entirely on manufacturing novelty fibreglass garden ornaments. Major exports: Prostitutes, garden gnomes. Most famous citizen: Lech Walesa. Greatest contribution to humanity: The cut-price novelty garden ornament. Back to map
	Portugal: Without a doubt the weakest of all Eurovision contestants, Portugal has managed at best sixth place with Lúcia Moniz and O meu coração não tem cor in 1996. Nice beaches and everything, but you'd think a bit more effort would be in order from the country which brought us fado. A poor show. Major exports: Agricultural workers, Port. Most famous citizen: The bloke who navigated to India, or somewhere like that. Greatest contribution to humanity: With a Eurovision history like this, Portugal has nothing to boast about. Back to map
	Slovakia: At first we thought that this was the same country as Slovenia (see below) — a reasonable enough error given that no-one has ever heard of either of 'em; no-one knows what goes on there; and nobody gives a tinker's cuss either way. Then we discovered that Slovakia had in fact competed in Eurovision in its own right in 1994, 1996 and 1998, so it must be a real country. Nevertheless, with song titles like Nekonecná piesen, they're hardly going to take the teen market by storm. Further work required. Major exports: No idea. Most famous citizen: Sorry. Greatest contribution to humanity: Answers on a postcard, please. Back to map
	Slovenia: It took our team three hours to find Slovenia on the map. We can only assume that it was once part of some larger, more famous nation, though God alone knows what that was. Apparently, its entire population is as we speak on its way to rape the UK's benefits system. This would explain Slovenia's dismal Eurovision showings since its 1993 debut. Obviously, they've spent most of their time over there packing suitcases and practising the English phrase: "Where is nearest Social Security office, please?" Major exports: One-legged, dole-scrounging gypsies. Most famous citizen: You must be joking — the place has only existed for about twenty minutes. Greatest contribution to humanity: Keeping cartographers busy. Back to map
	Spain: They've got guitars, they've got castanets, but what they ain't got is a recent Eurovision trophy to stick on the mantelpiece above next to the flock bull souvenir of Torremolinos. Last won the contest in 1969 with Vivo cantando sung by the provocatively-named Salomé. Has, to be fair, been busy knocking up millions of time-share apartments and attempting to extradite Brit armed blaggers from Marbella. Not to mention withdrawing its troops from Iraq, of course. Major exports: Penelope Cruz. Most famous citizen: Picasso. Greatest contribution to humanity: The cheap package holiday destination. Back to map
	Sweden: Largely forgiven for its wartime indiscretion of selling steel to Nazi Germany by pulling off the greatest Eurovision triumph of them all — Abba's 1972 Waterloo. Rather less well know is another first place in 1984 with Herrey's Diggi-loo Diggi-ley, followed by a third title in 1991 secured by Carola with Fångad av en stormvind. A pop global power, net exporter of blondes and hardcore porn wonderland. Major exports: Pornography, Abba. Most famous citizen: Agnetha Fältskog Greatest contribution to humanity: Abba. Back to map
	United Kingdom: This former Eurovision superpower (five wins, countless second spots) hit an all-time low in 2003 when Gemini were awarded the wooden spoon in Latvia for Cry baby. Immediately retaliated by invading Iraq, shooting people and urinating on captured prisoners. As the old Carly Simon song goes: "Nobody does it better — makes me feel sad for the rest". Enough said. Major exports: Football hooligans, footballers, replica football kit, military hardware, paedophiles. Most famous citizen: David Beckham. Greatest contribution to humanity: Liberation of Iraq. Back to map