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Rockall policy announcement: Fuel duty

The Rockall economic policy unit (REPU) this morning announced that — in keeping with similar announcements since 1874 — it would not raise the duty of fuel for another 12 months. Accordingly, the price of premium unleaded remains at 3d.

Likewise, the Rockall Port Authority (RPA) confirmed that seawater around Rockall will remain free to "anyone with a bucket". The 1975 guano levy of 1d per tonne also remains unchanged, although the cost of a guano harvesting licence rises by threepence to 2s/6d.

The price of sending a postcard to the mainland via the monthly airlift will not increase, although the Post Office has confirmed that there will be no second post from 1 June. A first-class letter of up to 50g will therefore still cost £4,000. Inhabitants attempting to send heavier objects, such as albatrosses, are advised to use the yearly boat service, with its "guaranteed to arrive within three months" peace-of-mind assurance.

There is no increase in the cost of imported wines, spirits, alcopops and bottled water. Locals can expect to pay around £17 for a Bacardi Breezer or £12 for a refreshing intake of Coca-Cola's Dasani — still around 14 per cent cheaper than at the Glastonbury festival.

With mainland petrol prices set for vicious rises in the next few months, the Rockall 24/7 garage and minimart expects a rush of business from fuel-hungry and impoverished motorists. Those who have not yet visited the islet are advised by the RPA to "go to the Hebridean island of North Uist, hang a left and follow the signs for St Kilda and Rockall for around 230 miles".

Those who are travelling to Rockall for the first time are, however, reminded that the carrying of volutary ID cards is compulsory on the island and the territorial waters which surround it.

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