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Secretary quits job

A 22-year-old secretary from Basingstoke has quit her job with a widely-respected firm of insurance brokers after becoming concerned that she was increasingly "typecast" in the role. Pretty Adele Shapiro told The Rockall Times that had come to the agonising decision after much soul-searching but had eventually decided that she needed space to "work on other projects".

Ms Shapiro spent three years at Extreme Trade Insurance — a company specialising in industrial public liability — during which time she "typed letters" and "opened mail" and occassionally "made coffee, and sometimes tea". However, she increasingly believed that the role led to her being typecast by the public as "a secretary" and that this view would adversely affect her future career prospects.

"Don't get me wrong, Extreme Trade have been a lovely crowd to work for," Ms Shapiro said. "An I'll always be grateful for the exposure it gave me. But it's time to move on to new challenges." Asked what these might be, Ms Shapiro enthused: "Well, I've always wanted to do stapling, or filing and I'll certainly be looking to get back to my first love — marine liability."

We contacted highly-talented Zoe Lucker, so-called "superbitch" star of ITV's Footballers' Wives, for her input on the drama. Lucker recently rocked the world of television to the cocaine-impregnated bundles of fifties on which its foundations rest with her shock decision to quit the role of Tanya Turner amid fears of being typecast.

Lucker spent three series at Footballers' Wives — a raunchy football-based orgy of sex, violence and drug-induced hysteria — during which time she "read scripts", "opened her legs" and occassionally "acted". However, she increasingly believed that the role led to her being typecast by the public as "a bitch" and that this view would adversely affect her future career prospects.

"Don't get me wrong, Footballers' Wives have been a lovely crowd to work for," Ms Lucker said. "An I'll always be grateful for the exposure it gave me. But it's time to move on to new challenges." Asked what these might be, Ms Lucker enthused: "Well, I've always wanted to do film, or improv. and I'll certainly be looking to get back to my first love — the theatre."

Ms Lucker then revealed that she was already in rehearsals for that very return — cast as Lady Macbeth in the Hartlepool Rep's adaptation of the Scottish play. "It's a real departure for me," confirmed Lucker. "Macbeth has got the lot — sex, violence and drug-induced hysteria. And as for that Lady Macbeth, well, that's what I call the mother of all superbitches."

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