I want sex with hundreds of celebrities: Jordan

Randy UK glamour model Jordan has revealed exclusively to The Rockall Times that she fancies an ORGY with HUNDREDS of stars including Leonardo DiCaprio and Pamela Anderson. She coyly added that Madonna, Carmen Electra, Bruce Willis, Anne Widdicombe, Osama bin Laden and the the entire cast of Ch4's Big Brother would be welcome any time to bury their slobbering chops in her 36KKKKK BUST.

Jordan — whose breasts are now so large that she did not realise that Albanian pimps had opened a lapdancing club between her tits while she was in a drunken coma until police officers raided the establishment two weeks later — did however decline the offer of a threesome with Posh and Becks even after the celebrity couple contacted her via their agent and BEGGED the talented Londoner for sweaty RUMPY-PUMPY on a solid gold BED.

Shy Jordan, 26, who had not appeared in a UK tabloid for eleven days prior to her shocking confession, insisted that she would not go back on a recent pledge to ditch her raunchy image and once again become simple, home-loving Katie Price "unless Brad Pitt wants to take me doggie-style while I lick Jennifer out".

A statement from Ms Price's agent appeared to give weight to her claim that she wants to be taken more seriously in future. "Katie's currently doing an Open University degree in quantum physics and has auditioned for the role of Ophelia for a Royal Shakespeare Company experimental reworking of Shakespeare's Hamlet," he confirmed. "I gather the work will contain the first blow-job ever seen on the stage at Stratford-on-Avon," he added.

Meanwhile, the ongoing war between Jordan and highly-talented rival Jodie Marsh continues unabated. Jordan last week launched into the Essex blonde by calling her a "cun*t", to which Marsh retorted: "Yeah, well Jordan's a fuc*king cun*t, so there."

Next week:

'Jodie Marsh is a right cun*t, right?' says ten-in-a-bed busty bombshell Katie.