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This is a pub-friendly version of this article — print it out and take it with you down the boozer. |
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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2004/07/05/henman_surprise.html.
Recipe of the week: Henman Surprise
Another Wimbledon mouth-waterer
by our sports catering department
With British sporting colossus "Tiger" Tim Henman crashing out of Wimbledon last week after a fighting performance against unseeded world number 211,374 Mario Ancic, we asked resident Rockall Times chef Delia Rhodes to remind fans of that most delicious of dishes, the Henman Surprise.
Delia originally published this mouth-watering creation in July 2003, but we feel that it is as appetising now as it was then. And the year before, and the year before that, etc, etc.
Henman Surprise
Ingredients:
- One second-rate British tennis player
Method: Tie tennis player to table. Slice open abdomen and extract talent with a pair of tweezers (Note: This can be notoriously difficult to find, so have patience.) Once extracted, place talent immediately on very, very small wheat cracker and eat. Throw remains of tennis player into ditch.
Delia's verdict: I must say I found this tasteless and insubstantial and was left with a feeling of emptiness and disappointment. A glass of Pimms and some strawberries and cream soon cheered me up, though. And the surprise? No more simpering temp secretaries with Union Jacks tattooed on their arses shouting "Come on Tim!" for two weeks next June. I believe this is what's called a "right result".
We took a small platter of Henman Surprise to Wimbledon to gauge the Lawn Tennis Association's reaction to the snack. We also took the opportunity to ask one association member how he rated Henman's chances of taking the men's title in 2005. "Oh, not you lot again. I'll say again what I said back in 2002: My father is 83 years old, has Alzheimer's and MS, has never played tennis in his life and is confined to a wheelchair. He could beat Henman with his feet nailed to the Centre Court"
This assertion did not find favour on Henman Hill, where thousands of sobbing Henmaniacs offered each other what crumbs of solace they could after the debacle. "He's my number one!" shrieked one junior filing clerk from Purley sporting a flag of St George painted onto her face, Tiger Tim tattoo on left breast and diamante Henman clitoral piercing. "Come on Tim!"
From The Rockall Times Monday 5th July 2004
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.