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Fully-grown male born from 21-year-old sperm

A fully-grown male born from 21-year-old sperm is reported to be suffering from hypothermia, we can reveal.

Conception occurred after four attempts at IVF and a long night of orgiastic sex, and doctors at St Bernabe's Hospital in Kanuck Alaska, where the 150 lb. man was born two years ago, said the age of the sperm might make it a world record.

The boy's father had his testicles thus his sperm frozen when he was 25 before undergoing treatment for testicular inflamation (Big Balls Syndrome) caused by wearing tight neck ties, which made him infertile.

Doctors said the case showed that freezing testicles and sperm was safe and worthwhile, and it prevented the sperm (and the testes) from getting wrikles and gray hair. Meanwhile in New York City, Tony Leaky, distant relative of paleonthologist Louis Leaky, added that he is "in the hunt" for frozen Neanderthal sperm in northern France and hopes to be able to impregnate a Carmelite nun no later that the year 2006, when pressed for details Mr. Leaky passed gas and vanished into a local delicatessen shop.

Details of the case were published in the journal Human Weird Reproduction in an article written by Dr. Otto Von Womitt.

The man's sperm was frozen until he got clear on whether he liked men or women and wanted to actually find a mate and start a family.

The man's penis, testicles and the sperm were thawed and then inserted into his partner's eggs. The baby was conceived after their fourth attempt at IVFand after a 24 hour fuckathon at the local Holiday Inn, "I know the sex had nothing to do with the pregnancy, but what the hell, I wanted to get laid anyway" said the proud father, an American Eskimo by the name of Kaluk Neenok Jr.

Safe procedure

"This case report provides evidence that long-term freezing can successfully preserve sperm quality and fertility," said Juan Valdes, a senior embryologist and coffe plantation owner at the hospital.

"This is important to know because semen stored by young Big Balls Syndrome patients is undertaken at a time of great emotional stress and pain in the scrotum, when future fertility is unlikely to be an immediate priority, in fact, when having sex is low on the totem pole, if you know what I mean."

The doctors said it was probably a world record.

"We believe this is the longest period of sperm cryopreservation resulting in a live birth so far reported in the scientific literature," said Dr Elizabeth Pithss, a consultant in reproductive herbal voodoo at the hospital.

However, she said new limits on the number of free frozen spermatozoa treatments would have meant that the couple would not have been able to have their "baby" actually a fully grown chap named Geoffrey, and that would mean many unhappy gynecologists.

Dr Vignio Button, a consultant embryologist at Ringo Starr College Hospital in London, welcomed the news.

"Certainly for people who have had their sperm frozen very young because of having to have Big Balls Syndrome treatment this is obviously very welcome news.

"However, it is not hugely surprising. From animal studies the only damage it seems that could occur to frozen sperm is through background radiation, so we avoid placing the samples anywhere near a nuclear reactor or near Chernobyl in Russia."

But she added: "It is important because we can feel reassured that it's not going to be a problem and it gives hope to young people who may want to have children a long time after their Big Balls Syndrome treatment."

Under current regulations, frozen sperm can be stored until a man is 95 or cannot longer maintain an erection, whichever comes first.

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